Who pays for what often becomes an issue of anger and resentment between family members. At the center of the conflict is always the fact that the couple is making financial decisions that they are expecting others to cover.

Let me give you some examples of what has happened in hopes that you will be sensitive to the issues and that there will be no tension around finances at you wedding.

Example #1: Mary wanted her wedding pictures to be stunning so she asked 12 women to be bridesmaids and decided on a vibrant pink satin cloth for their dresses. The dresses had very puffy sleeves and were wasted with full skirts. The men were in jet black tuxes. To be quite honest, she succeeded. The effect was stunning. What also happened was that 12 young women had to spend over $400.00 on a dress that they will never wear again, and 12 men had to spend over $150.00. Many of these attendants were not very close to the couple and when they discovered the costs of accepting the honor of being in the wedding they were unable/unwilling to cough up the cost. Friendships were lost. Family members are still not talking to each other.

Example #2: Joseph wanted to have wine on the tables at the reception. His father and mother (who were paying for the event) did not. Many of the parents’ relatives and friends had had their lives ruined by alcohol. His parents were staunch non-drinkers. They were putting out thousands of dollars and expected to have some say over what their money would be spent on. Hard feelings lasted for months when, at the reception, there was wine on the tables paid for by the parents of the bride.

There are no rules! Set a budget. Stay in that budget. If you expect someone other than yourself to pay for something, go to them and ask them if they are willing to pay for it and how much are they willing to spend.

There are no rules! No one is obligated to pay for your wedding but you!!!!!!!, so be clear up front and before you order anything talk to the person paying for it.

There are though, as you know, traditions that define who is to pay for what: When the bride and the groom are not living together before the wedding; and, When it is the first marriage; and, When there are no children involved; and, When the bride is not pregnant; and, when everyone is willing and able to afford the expense. I hesitate to list them for fear that they will be used as a club by the bride and groom in order to get someone else to pay. If you promise not to do that, you may read on.

Wedding Dress/Head Piece/Accessories
Reception Site Rental, Reception Food/Drink
Flowers for the Ceremony, Flowers for the Reception
Groom’s Ring, Invitations/Announcements/Enclosures
Gift for Groom, Gifts for Bridesmaids
Photographer, Videographer, Wedding Hostess
Musicians, Wedding Cake
Transportation From Ceremony to Reception, Bride’s Physical
Accommodations for out-of-town Attendants, Personal Stationary

Bride’s Rings, Gift for Bride
Rental of His Formal Wear, Marriage License
Honorarium to Pastor
Bride’s Bouquet Corsages for Mothers/Grandmothers
Rehearsal Dinner, Groom’s Physical
Accommodations for out-of-town Attendants, Honeymoon Expenses
Boutonnieres for Men

Their Wedding Attire Their Own Accessories
Gift for Bride/Groom